I am missing part of me.
When you lose someone to emotion it leaves a hole in your life. You believe that slowly, over time, the wound will heal and become more like a scar which fades with each passing day.
The truth is that emotional scars never heal because they cut at your soul. A person is missing from your life. A person who was once joined so close, that at times you felt like one being.
Some days fly by in a blur, but other days the emotions are overwhelming.
The “Whys” and “What Ifs”
There is the confusion as to what happened and the hundreds of “whys?”
There is the anger that keeps you up at night.
The sadness of the “what ifs” and the sorrow of what could have been.
Days turn into weeks, the confusion and anger turn into ‘soon it will be over.’
Weeks turn into months, and the anger and sadness mix together.
Months turn into years…
Without warning you wake up and realize you have lost a whole part of your life… which will never come back. Your kids have lost an entire lifetime of memories.
So you try to understand, you try to make sense of the emotions, but the fear of it being too late haunts you. The fear that a relationship you both once held so close, is now dead.
You don’t care anymore who was in the wrong or even if there was a wrong. You just want that part of you back.
The part that made you laugh. That part that understood the way you were and more importantly why you were, without question.
I don’t know where you are. And I am scared I never will. But if by some miracle of a chance you read this (because I know if you see my name you will) please just pick up the phone and call me. Do not email me, because it has been that long that you most likely will not even know the correct email address for me anymore. Perhaps you do not even remember my phone number.
But you know my name and it will forever be joined with yours… I miss you being a part of me and I miss being a part of you.