Recently, I’ve been holding onto this less-than-worthy feeling and it’s starting to affect my soul. It’s nothing anyone told me or even a judgement that’s been passed on. It’s my own feelings towards a false speculation. One that states: I’m less of a mother because I only have one child.
Like I said, no one has told me this. I believe it stemmed from friendly conversations and joking remarks. Remarks like,
“…and you only have one!”
“I wish I only had one, it would be so much easier.”
“Could you imagine having more? I remember the quiet days of only having one.”
I’m not going to lie and say that I haven’t embarked in saying similar comments like, “Yeah, I know. And I only have one….” Gosh, I hope my daughter’s heart didn’t break overhearing those comments. (Insert foot in mouth)
Does it make me any less of a mother because I only have one sick child at a time vs. three? Am I less of a mother because I only have one drop off and pick up location, one bedtime prayer, and one breakfast to make in the craziness of the morning rush?
Does motherhood have levels of qualification?
Does every pregnancy and birth take you up a rank in motherhood status? That the more kids you have, the better mother you must be?
Goodness I hope not, for the sake of my only child. I hope my level of motherhood is enough. That my skills and love as a mother are just as important and as qualified as a mother of five.
What I want most is this insecurity to go away. I am a good mother. I’m a good mother even if I’m not pulled a million directions by multiple tiny voices. That I am enough for the one tiny voice that calls me mom a trillion times a day.
It’s my choice to only have one. Deep within my soul I have to truly accept that decision and my beautiful family of three. Who cares if others think it would be easier with only one child? I dare them to try it for more than a day, because I bet they will miss saying things like,”Go play with your brother.”