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How to Feed a Toddler: A Guide


How to Feed-5

10 Steps to the Perfect Meal

  1. Prepare to make a lovely dinner for the family.  Read healthy living articles and try out a new recipe that promises to be a hit with your toddler. Be sure to include lots of leafy-green sides that will help that child grow big and strong, because you are the #momoftheyear
  2. You’ll want to set your sweet child up for success so cut everything into bite-sized pieces and cool them off in the fridge for a few minutes – you are so thoughtful!

    Ketchup is the great equalizer.

  3. Pour a glass of your favorite local Sonoma Pinot for the grown ups and a straw-cup full of organic, pasture-raised, locally-sourced, whole milk for the little one.  Only the best for your brood!  Sit down with your family in the dining room and take a bite of dinner – warm and delicious – you are the Queen of mealtime!
  4. Before you take bite number two, you’ll realize your adorable little toddler has not touched this beautiful meal.  Encourage her to try it out – it’s very tasty and she will love it.  “No, sweetie, please sit down – it’s time to eat” you gently say through gritted teeth as you repeat internally, “I AM the queen of dinner – I AM the queen of dinner”.
  5. Set your fork down and pick up hers.  If you can just get her to try it, she’ll see how tasty it is and will keep eating on her own.  In the meantime, your spouse has finished his meal and the infant has decided he’s hungry.  Remove your top and pull out a boob, it’s time to nurse.
  6. While nursing on your right side, use your left hand (you’re right-handed) to awkwardly try to feed the toddler.  She refuses and gags with every bite.  “Stop playing with your food and eat!” you sternly say, whilst still attempting to hold onto your composure and your infant simultaneously.
  7. Argue with that tyrant toddler for at least 10 more minutes to give the baby plenty of time to finish nursing and then burp up his partially digested breast milk all over your shirt.  Go ahead and take your second, now lukewarm, bite of dinner with the smell of curdled milk in the air – you earned it.
  8. Hand the baby to your spouse, put your milk-machines away, and tell your toddler to stop singing because it’s dinnertime.  “Turn around and eat, don’t make me ask you again!”  At this point, you should be exasperated with your child and your dinner should be cold – don’t worry; that farm-fresh, homemade meal tastes just as good chilly and congealed with a side of bitterness.

    I scream, you scream, we all scream for…wine.

  9. With more of her meal on the table than in her belly and after chewing on the same piece of broccoli for the last five minutes, your toddler claims to be full.  You begrudgingly excuse her and she runs into the family room to watch “her show.”  Pick up your glass of wine for the first time, take a bite of your cold meal and listen as your child yells, “Mom, I need crackers!”
  10. Give her the damn crackers, finish your plate and hers, and repeat steps 1-10, three times a day, until she starts high school.

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3 Responses to How to Feed a Toddler: A Guide

  1. Breanne
    Breanne March 2, 2016 at 10:01 am #

    Oh wow! Spot on. A bowl of cottage cheese counts as dinner in our house these days. Not for lack of trying, right?! Keep working your magic, Queen of Dinnertime! It’ll pay off. I think 🙂

  2. Julia
    Julia March 2, 2016 at 8:25 pm #

    This was perfect, I so remember those days with little ones! I wish I could say that it gets easier and maybe it does because my kids are old enough to at least load the dishwasher after they’ve ruined my attempt at a perfect dinner!


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