Thinking about being single after 13 years is terrifying. It gives me anxiety just thinking about it. How are you supposed to eventually meet someone? How on earth will I find someone that likes the same things as me at this point in my life? I don’t have the time to visit bars and go out on the night scene – I have kids. In addition to that, I’m 37 years old. So unless I’m interested in meeting someone in their 20’s with a cougar fetish, a bar is probably not the place for me to be meeting men. What does that leave? Online dating.
So, that got me thinking about how I would introduce myself to potential suitors. I came up with a few lines to use in my online dating profile. Let me know what you think.
Single mom of two boys, two time divorcee, seeking someone with similar baggage.
Enjoys long walks on the beach at sunset… scratch that. Enjoys solo trips to Target with Starbucks in hand, browsing the aisles and buying useless stuff I don’t actually need.
A confident man who doesn’t need his ego stroked. I am a strong, independent woman – I will in no way stroke your ego.
I love wine. A lot. You must also love wine.
Potential suitors must never want to produce any biological children. This baby factory is shut down. Permanently.
Must be willing to submit to (and able to pass) background check, drug test, and psychiatric evaluation because I have trust issues.
Speaking of trust issues, you must be willing to install GPS on your phone and car, and also give up the password to your phone … because, trust issues.