If you’re reading this, my 30th birthday has come and gone.
I’ve been obsessed with turning 30 since the day I turned 29. I’ve entered this new decade with the poise of a cat being forced into a bathtub full of water. In fact, the only time I actually looked forward to my birthday this year was when my best friend offered to treat me to a girls’ getaway weekend at the spa.
While I’m not unhappy with the choices I’ve made that have led me to where I am today, it’s not exactly where I expected to be. But here I am, against my will. So I say, “Hello” to this 30-year-old mother of two as I say “Goodbye” to these 20 things I left behind in my 20’s.
1. Bouncing back after a night of indulging.
Gone are the days of shutting down the bar at 2 a.m. or spending an entire day wine tasting with friends. I can’t afford to lose the three days that it takes to recover.
2. That wrinkle-free, baby-smooth skin.
Holy crows feet, Batman! Let’s run that selfie through Photoshop before we post it on social media, m’kay?
3. Abusing my credit score.
If only 30-year-old me could shake 20-year-old me and ask her how she expects to buy that perfect home with the credit score that she’s about to ruin.
4. Ignoring my mental health.
I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder at the age of 24. Instead of dealing with the things that triggered my anxiety, I chose the magical pill. Six years later, I’m still stuck with the triggers and a health insurance plan that no longer covers Ativan.
5. Pretending that I don’t need sunscreen.
As a twenty-something who carelessly spent every afternoon in a tanning bed, I realized the risk of skin cancer and losing precious time with my children wasn’t worth bronze skin that faded after a couple days. SPF 50 is my new best friend.
6. Apologizing for being myself.
I enjoy picking at my face and watching Gilmore Girls reruns. Take it or leave it.
7. Losing weight with minimal effort.
Okay, so this luxury left a long time ago, but I’m only just now accepting it.
8. Flaking on plans.
It’s rude, and I’m terrible because I do it to everyone. I’ve given myself too many excuses to avoid leaving the house. Therefore, either I stop making plans that I don’t intend to keep, or I start following through with them.
9. Expecting people to read my mind.
If someone hurts my feelings and I want them to know, then I need to tell them what they did. Otherwise they’ll never be able to fix it.
10. Trying to be SuperMom.
I admit that I love the feeling of getting every last item on my to-do list completed. However, I do get overwhelmed, so I’m realizing that it’s perfectly okay for me to accept when I’ve hit my limit.
11. Underestimating the power of Control Top Pantyhose.
Because there are times when you need to know something will be there to hold it all together.
Speeding tickets are expensive. Leaving five minutes earlier can prevent them. Hence, no more speeding.
13. Getting carded for booze.
Searching for my ID in a purse overrun by toddler necessities is an inconvenience, anyway.
14. Taking loved ones for granted.
I recently lost two loved ones within six weeks of each other. Now I find myself thinking about all the things I wanted to ask them, but never got the chance. I don’t want to lose anyone else before I have the chance to ask these questions.
15. Avoiding telephone conversations.
I’m the person who stares at their phone in horror when you call me, wondering why you couldn’t say what you needed to say in a text. On the rare occasion that I do answer my phone, I admit that it feels good to just chat and catch up, which is hard to do via text.
16. Wearing pajamas to the store.
The older I get, the more people I know. The more people I know, the more likely it is that I’ll run into a colleague during a quick trip to the store for coffee creamer in my flannel Minnie Mouse pajama bottoms. And yes, that’s a true story!
17. Feeling sorry for myself.
Sure, I could spend days thinking about all the things that make me sad. But I’d rather channel that energy into making sure my children have endless reasons to smile.
18. My wardrobe filled with jeans and t-shirts.
Apparently my closet is still stuck in my 20’s. I’ve enlisted the help of some popular subscription boxes to send me articles of clothing I can actually wear to a job interview.
19. Playing on the playground equipment with my kids.
That awkward moment when you get stuck following your toddler down the tube slide. Who knew you could no longer bend that way?
20. Playing chicken with my gas tank.
Because nothing screams “responsible mother of two” like running out of gas and being stranded on the side of the highway.
30 is the new 20?
If that’s the case, why am I suddenly aware of my mortality? Why am I sprouting facial hair and experiencing back pain? And why has the saying, “Old habits die hard” taken on a whole new meaning? I just hope that in ten years, I’ll be able to thank 30-year-old me for finally making it all worthwhile. Now it’s time to raise a glass and toast to turning 30, and the next 30 years!