I’m the Queen of Procrastination.
It’s not a title I love, but it is an accurate one. I’ve learned to embrace it over the years. From my last-minute essay writing as a student, to my rushed holiday shopping two days before Christmas, I thrive on deadlines that pop up like brick walls on the freeway. It’s when I do my best work. (Don’t believe me, just take a look at any of our Halloween costumes for the last 9 years…most were made the night before. ?)
Annoying as this can be for my husband, generally speaking, my procrastination isn’t a big deal. So maybe I drive around with library books in my car for five days before hightailing it there on the last day to avoid a late fee. Who cares that I play chicken with my gas tank, driving around on fumes before stopping to get gas? And what’s the big deal if I only buy birthday cards five minutes before we have to be at the party.
In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t really matter. So I’m late. So I paid a dollar to the library. So I ran out of gas. Oh well, life goes on.
Or so I thought.
You see, until recently I honestly thought that my procrastination tendencies only effected deadline related activities. But that’s not the case. They’ve secretly been postponing things much worse than returning an overdue book. These tendencies have been blocking my self-expression.
For as long as I can remember I’ve sabotaged myself in little ways. I’ll buy a beautiful journal, but I won’t write in it…because I’m saving it for a day when my handwriting is prettier. I do this sort of stuff all the time, and my favorite category to place things in is, “one day when I’m cute and skinny.”
Ideas like, “I’d love to dye my hair a crazy color,” and “I would totally wear that,” are often followed by, “one day when I’m cute and skinny.” But the problem with that thinking is, even if I someday achieve my vision of cute and skinny, I’ll still have wasted all these years waiting for that day to arrive.
And because I have advanced level training in procrastination, my ability to avoid working-out is ridiculous. Which means I may never get physically fit…and where does that leave me? Will my bucket list stay unfulfilled simply because I didn’t feel worthy of completing it? Will I continue to create these arbitrary deadlines that I never reach…and shouldn’t have imposed on myself in the first place?
Geez, I hope not.
It’s not the example I want to set for my kids and it’s not the feeling I want to have about myself.
So while I will probably always be 10 minutes late to every event EVER, until the end of time (because why pack the diaper bag early, and charge the camera battery the night before??) I will start writing in that journal, and I will dye my hair. After all, life itself has a deadline, and I’m not going to wait until it’s almost up.
***PS – if you need further proof of my ninja level procrastination skills, I’m writing this post the night it’s due. #procrastinationachievementunlocked